I'm over 60 now and the Armed Forces say
I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be
older than 35 to join the military
They've got the whole thing backwards.
Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight,
they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't
be able to join until you're at least 35.
Researchers say 18-year- olds think about sex every 10 seconds.
Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day,
leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds
per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky,
and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier.
If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission.
"My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?"
and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old
enough to legally drink. An average old guy
, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons
of beer by the time he's 35 and a jaunt through
the desert heat with a backpack and M-60
would do wonders for the old beer belly.
An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.
Old guys get up early every morning to pee.
If old guys are captured we couldn't spill
the beans because we'd probably forget where we
put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial
number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys.
We're used to getting screamed and yelled at
and we actually like soft food.
We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles.
We like them almost better than naps.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course
however. I've been in combat and I didn't see a single
20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side,
nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down
and give me...er..one."
And the running part is kind of a waste of energy.
I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him.
He's still learning to shave, to actually carry
on a conversation, and to wear pants
without the top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out.
All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn
a little more about life before sending them off to possible death.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards
who attacked our hearts on September 11.
The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is
a couple of million old farts with attitudes.
(It's purposely in big type for us) Author unknown
BLUEJAY'S HOMEPAGE